HOT TIP: If You’d like to go deeper or would rather an audio version of this find it on the HOME PAGE or on The Missing Ingredient with Gwen wherever you listen to podcasts!

If you’ve been here a while you’ll know that I work mostly with midlife moms that are ready to feel good about themselves, good in their body and excited about their future… 

There’s a lot of us who get into this loop of doing everything for everyone all day everyday all at once, and then feel drained, exhausted, and actually like crap. 

This sometimes leads to feeling unfulfilled or like our only job and purpose in life is to be DOING everything for everyone. We spend every day all day solving problems for other people, at work and at home… and it can leave us feeling like a shell of a human. 

They’re all fine things, unless there’s no balance to them. 

I was one of those people, and for the longest time I felt really horrible about myself because I thought something was wrong with ME. I thought I was a bad mom for not being fully fulfilled doing everything all the time for everyone. It made me feel guilty and ashamed and that made me really quiet about it. 

And then I started coaching, and I realised I wasn’t the only one.

And even though people told me I shouldn’t try and niche into the mom community, that just made me even more spicy and dedicated, because MOM’S NEED TO FEEL WHOLE SO THEY CAN ENJOY THEIR LIVES and BE WHOLE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR KIDS AND SPOUSE AND EVERYTHING! 

Mom’s need to invest in themselves like they matter, so they show their kids, especially their daughters, that they are worth investing in! Always. 

I learned this after investing A LOT of dollars into my continued education and growth, and I felt myself come back alive. 

I felt myself becoming the mom I wanted to be: more patient and fun and silly and adventurous and present… and also, I held more boundaries and did my own thing and talked about it all like it mattered. And while it was a bit weird and uncomfortable for everyone as we grew through that, and continue to grow through it, it was ultimately so much better! Not just for me, but for my kids and my relationship, because I was happy. I was so much happier. I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER.

SO let’s talk HOW WE CAN FEEL MORE JOYFUL IN ANY SEASON. 

Practical things we can actually do on a regular basis that will increase our sense of wholeness and joy and… everything. 

What often happens is after years of neglecting our body and our health and our own joy, we reach a place of feeling like “what the hell man!? What is going on?” 

Maybe feeling run down, uncomfortable in our body, unhealthy and actually frustrated because after giving everything we were told would make us happy and fulfilled has actually landed us with maybe over drinking and emotional eating and not doing anything fun and our body definitely not feeling like a wonderland, and avoiding thinking too far into our future or setting outrageous goals anymore because, why bother… 

Right? 

Well, because if you’re reading this, you ain’t dead yet, so let’s make some goddamn magic in your life!

These aren’t quick fixes (if you're looking for a quick fix always start with your diet, and start eating for energy and health and longevity) but if you’re not ready for that, or you’re already doing that and need something more, or wherever you're at, know that these will work. 

#1 - GRATITUDE & TINY DELIGHTS

This will come as no surprise to many of you, but one of the best things we can do to increase our joy and wonder and happiness is start a gratitude practice. 

Shocker right? But hold on! This might be a bit different than you expect, and it’s what a lot of people get wrong in their gratitude practice. 

Instead of tracking things you’re grateful for from your day, I want you to get hyper focus on TINY MOMENTS from your day. I like how Ross Gay talks about tiny delights. That’s what I want us to focus on. 

Looking for and keeping track of tiny delights throughout the day. 

These little moments are what connect us to the world and universe around us. They’re what connect us to each other and to something bigger than us. Bigger than us in the way that we do, in fact, exist in a world that is much bigger than us.  

Yesterday my daughter and I went for an evening walk as the sun set behind the trees, which was beautiful because the light was filtering through the aspens and cottonwoods. And then a gentle breeze picked up and the cottonwoods started blowing cotton fluff through the air so it was like walking through a blizzard of glowing, fluffy stars.

Soft pink light was caught in each and every one of those puffs, and it was pure magic. 

Both of us had to pause and stand there in silence. 

It was a tiny delight that we noticed and shared with each other, and also the sun and the trees and the singing birds and the fluff and the breeze and everything that was there… We were all connected to that exact moment, observing it.

It sounds strange to say, but it really does feel like in being the observer of something magic like that connects you to everything that took part in creating that moment. 

Tiny gratitudes and tiny delights can be captured in any average moment. It’s like the sibling of awe.  

It’s like this explosion of curiosity and joy and wonder and awe all at the same time.

This is what I want you to keep track of. And it can honestly be captured from anything. 

That first sip of coffee, the laughter of kids in the distance, that moment you surrender into a nap, a compliment that lands on your heart like a thousand affirmations for your soul…  

And yes, it’s also great to be grateful for all the good things in your life. We do that so we train our brain to always be looking for the goodness and not only noticing the negative – which is how our brain is primally programmed… to be scanning always for negative and possibly harmful things. It’s called “negative bias” and it’s what’s kept us alive as a species for all this time. 

A wide net observation of goodness in our life is how we create balance to that part of our brain, so don’t ditch your gratitude journal!

In addition, tiny gratitudes are about capturing the feelings that go with the magic that happens all day every day, if we’re paying attention.

They’re about capturing that mini explosion of joy and curiosity and awe and wonder and peace and gratitude in our body, and letting ourselves feel it and connect to it, and everything that was involved in the creation of that moment.

# 2 - CREATIVE PLAY

It’s time to get into something creative!

If you’ve been feeling disconnected from yourself, your joy or your vibrancy, these are the things that are going to change your state! So stick with me.

BUT FIRST!

Let’s all remember that by definition creativity is to make something that didn't exist before that provides value of some sort.

Nowhere in that definition does it talk about who gets to decide what makes something valuable, so don’t get excited about not identifying as a creative, because I guarantee. you are in some area of your life.

This ISN’T about being productive or making something to sell or anything like that. This is about YOU FEELING SILLY AND FREE AND FUN AND AWKWARD.

If you’re not a crafty person, and even if you are, I want you to have somewhere in your life that you create something just for you. For your own enjoyment. Knowing that that value is you feeling fulfilled and calm and silly and having experienced some kind of enjoyment… and the value of THAT is you getting a chance to dip into joy, ideally on a regular basis. 

I go deeper into this in a bonus module in my course, but it’s important to know that creativity is often how adults play, and when we paly we connect to our youthful and vibrant energy. 

A lot of my clients come to me and feel dull and disconnected from themselves and forget what they even enjoy, and I get it. 

Making a pot of soup, finger paints, reorganising something, setting the table, reading design magazines, stitching some embroidery badly… whatever! Just do it.

It’s not anything for anything other than for something really important, which is your happiness and your connection to your playful, vibrant side. 

Make yourself a goal of doing something that makes you feel silly every single week! Joy lives on the other side of silliness. 

# 3 - THE LOST ART OF DOING SWEET F ALL

This is the hardest one for me, but there’s no doubt that it makes us feel like we’re living a luxurious life of ease and pleasure. 

And I don’t mean watching shows or scrolling, that’s fine for another time, but for this I mean full on sitting around and just doing nothing. 

Maybe reading a trashy novel, or watching the clouds or listening to the birds or just sitting and drinking a cup of tea… 

This one is hard for me. The other two I do with more ease because I feel that I can be productive in them. I feel slightly productive in my random creativity, because I’m actually DOING something, or when I feel a tiny delight I get to feel that beautiful magic…

But sitting and just being… that’s uncomfortable for me! It’s uncomfortable for a lot of us to-doers and high achievers! It can be downright painful!

And it’s necessary. 

We were never meant to be DOING all the time.

We’re actually more productive when we make time for rest and spacing out. Our brain is actually hard at work processing and problem solving during these times and tapping into creativity. Our nervous system calms down and we can feel safe, and maybe release some of the stress we might be caught up in. 

So, rest.

Relax.

ON PURPOSE. Make it a habit. Set time aside for it. Make it mean something to you.

I want you to understand that these things might feel really uncomfortable to do, and that often is what stops us from doing them. 

They feel like a waste of time and uncomfortable and we tell ourselves we have no time for things like this! 

But I want you to know that if that’s what’s popping up for you, that is YOU choosing to stay where you are now. 

If where you are now is fantastic and you’re overwhelmed with joy and happiness and purpose and fulfilment, that’s amazing! Carry on about your business. 

But if you’re feeling flat or blah or like you’re stuck in your to-do list and can’t remember the last time you felt free and wild and silly and like a whole human, you’re going to have to sit in the discomfort of change. 

Changing your habits and routines and thoughts so you can create the TIME for these things, and changing your thoughts so you decide to TRY this weird stuff, and changing your thoughts so you think it’s important enough to practise on a regular basis.  

And be willing to be uncomfortable. 

To be sitting out relaxing on the hammock feeling super uncomfortable, but also like there’s a lot of tiny delights all around you and deciding to look for those instead of jumping up and running to get something for someone. 

Deciding to try something new. To sign up for something. To do a skillshare or a masterclass or actually do something you’ve pinned on your pinterest board. Or go to the library and look at the design books, make thai salad wraps or dry some flowers. 

And take a nap. 

And if you want to feel better in your body, sign up for my course! 

Everything gets better when you feel better.